Beautiful mess
My mind is a torrent of bliss and pain,
My heart has been strung with hardship's red vein,
But I am alive be I pleasured or pained,
Every breath is a gift, feeling life is not vain,
Life is but a moment, a whisper in time,
Embrace each feeling, each exchanging rhyme,
For to feel pain, ecstasy, anger or sadness,
You are alive in life's beautiful mess.
Saturday, March 10, 2018
Tuesday, February 27, 2018
Nonfiction "Scars on My Heart"
Scars on My Heart
It was eight pm Tuesday evening, the day of the Florida shooting, the day that high school kids stopped dreaming of prom or first dates. That day they were immersed in a horrible dream that they couldn't wake from! I had heard the news, Hawaii couldn't shield us from the terrible scars of reality, the world into which we had so naively delivered our children. It was that day, that evening, that all the stories brought home of his threats, taunting and assaults became vividly horrible. I had just finished cleaning the kitchen and was heading into the bedroom to take a shower when my cell phone rang. Never hearing from friends at 8:30 at night, I felt cold dread in shivering drips of sweat begin their journey down my back. Hesitating was only prolonging the wicked clock of time that was ticking against my will.
“Hello what's up? Is everything ok?” I barely breathe as my friend sounds nervous and asks me for a few minutes of time. Of course I had time, although I knew my body wanted nothing more than to run away, drop the phone and forget everything that would rush at me, as bile at the back of the throat, a bitter taste that wouldn't go away.
“My daughter came home and I noticed her eye was droopy. I am afraid she got a black eye although I never had one.”
My sharp intake of breath sucked me in, drawing my ribs together so I could barely breath. I remembered and finally exhaled loudly. Then it became worse.
“I don't know if your daughter told you yet, but he told them he was bringing his bb gun to school tomorrow to kill her!”
“What?” I choked back sobs as it dawned on me and I almost dropped the phone as if it were bleeding. My daughter? The class bully, the one who could be sweet one moment and call me Aunty and give hugs or a picture. He had given her daughter a black eye and threatened my six year old with death within a matter of minutes! What had I done bringing my children into this world? Without them we would be lost and yet it broke my heart that my daughter would go to sleep wondering if he was going to bring the gun?
“I knew he was bullying, but this is beyond, this is really bad!!” I choked on my words and tears ran in streams, washing my sorrow into my mouth and internalizing in anger. My daughter was ok, she would be alright, but this, this was beyond anything a mom could imagine. Hugging my knees to my chest, I cradled the phone and talked to my friend for what seemed like hours, running the what ifs and whys through my head like a damn movie reel. Feeling fortunate that a bb gun could not kill, yet horrified that kindergarten had somehow become a time of homework, sexual assualt and physical trauma. Death threats were casually thrown and what happened? Surely they would send him away from school for at least a day!
My husband called the police as I frantically notified my friends who had daughters that had been victimized several times already by him. Daughters, with sweet faces who came to school with hope for lolipops and my little pony at the end of the day not a black eye, death or being humped from behind when trying to get up off the floor. As I uttered the warnings, it felt as if the voice belonged to someone else. Horror and tears rang through on the other end, as our hushed voices mingled through the phone with futile efforts for comforting words and reassurance. Everything would be ok, he would be sent home the next day of course! Someone threatening to kill their classmate would surely see discipline?
The police arrived, a new trainee in tow, writing with meticulous, shaking hands. Flustered, I kept interrupting my husband as he explained in detail the incidents. He gently shook his head at me as he finished and the policemen laughed.“Mama bear,” he chuckled as I stood with my arms crossed, straight posture and flaring eyes of fire. I was indeed mama bear. As we finished speaking, they had recorded and listened with concern written calmly on their faces. “If you need us to take further action please call us!” They disappeared into the night, the lights of the patrol car becoming a speck as they turned onto the main road. I exhaled loudly and allowed myself to breathe. “Let's go to bed,” my husband spoke gravely as we shuffled back into the yard and up our steps. We fell into bed after closing windows and doors, yet sleep overcame us in heavy, fitful spasms, in which we woke with sweat clinging to our necks in a thick film. It was Valentine's Day, the universal day of love. I laughed bitterly at the irony.
The kids ran to and fro, laughing and chatting excitedly about the day ahead. All I could think about was the outcome and questions in between. Would he be there, would he have a gun and if he did would they check his bags before the worst happened? I couldn't think anymore, I buckled my mind shut and it seemed to echo as the seatbelt clicked. I looked into the back seat at my daughter's smiling face, aglow with hope! She couldn't know that I had scars on my heart, bleeding slowly with the blood of heartbreak. I would not tell her, no not today!
It was eight pm Tuesday evening, the day of the Florida shooting, the day that high school kids stopped dreaming of prom or first dates. That day they were immersed in a horrible dream that they couldn't wake from! I had heard the news, Hawaii couldn't shield us from the terrible scars of reality, the world into which we had so naively delivered our children. It was that day, that evening, that all the stories brought home of his threats, taunting and assaults became vividly horrible. I had just finished cleaning the kitchen and was heading into the bedroom to take a shower when my cell phone rang. Never hearing from friends at 8:30 at night, I felt cold dread in shivering drips of sweat begin their journey down my back. Hesitating was only prolonging the wicked clock of time that was ticking against my will.
“Hello what's up? Is everything ok?” I barely breathe as my friend sounds nervous and asks me for a few minutes of time. Of course I had time, although I knew my body wanted nothing more than to run away, drop the phone and forget everything that would rush at me, as bile at the back of the throat, a bitter taste that wouldn't go away.
“My daughter came home and I noticed her eye was droopy. I am afraid she got a black eye although I never had one.”
My sharp intake of breath sucked me in, drawing my ribs together so I could barely breath. I remembered and finally exhaled loudly. Then it became worse.
“I don't know if your daughter told you yet, but he told them he was bringing his bb gun to school tomorrow to kill her!”
“What?” I choked back sobs as it dawned on me and I almost dropped the phone as if it were bleeding. My daughter? The class bully, the one who could be sweet one moment and call me Aunty and give hugs or a picture. He had given her daughter a black eye and threatened my six year old with death within a matter of minutes! What had I done bringing my children into this world? Without them we would be lost and yet it broke my heart that my daughter would go to sleep wondering if he was going to bring the gun?
“I knew he was bullying, but this is beyond, this is really bad!!” I choked on my words and tears ran in streams, washing my sorrow into my mouth and internalizing in anger. My daughter was ok, she would be alright, but this, this was beyond anything a mom could imagine. Hugging my knees to my chest, I cradled the phone and talked to my friend for what seemed like hours, running the what ifs and whys through my head like a damn movie reel. Feeling fortunate that a bb gun could not kill, yet horrified that kindergarten had somehow become a time of homework, sexual assualt and physical trauma. Death threats were casually thrown and what happened? Surely they would send him away from school for at least a day!
My husband called the police as I frantically notified my friends who had daughters that had been victimized several times already by him. Daughters, with sweet faces who came to school with hope for lolipops and my little pony at the end of the day not a black eye, death or being humped from behind when trying to get up off the floor. As I uttered the warnings, it felt as if the voice belonged to someone else. Horror and tears rang through on the other end, as our hushed voices mingled through the phone with futile efforts for comforting words and reassurance. Everything would be ok, he would be sent home the next day of course! Someone threatening to kill their classmate would surely see discipline?
The police arrived, a new trainee in tow, writing with meticulous, shaking hands. Flustered, I kept interrupting my husband as he explained in detail the incidents. He gently shook his head at me as he finished and the policemen laughed.“Mama bear,” he chuckled as I stood with my arms crossed, straight posture and flaring eyes of fire. I was indeed mama bear. As we finished speaking, they had recorded and listened with concern written calmly on their faces. “If you need us to take further action please call us!” They disappeared into the night, the lights of the patrol car becoming a speck as they turned onto the main road. I exhaled loudly and allowed myself to breathe. “Let's go to bed,” my husband spoke gravely as we shuffled back into the yard and up our steps. We fell into bed after closing windows and doors, yet sleep overcame us in heavy, fitful spasms, in which we woke with sweat clinging to our necks in a thick film. It was Valentine's Day, the universal day of love. I laughed bitterly at the irony.
The kids ran to and fro, laughing and chatting excitedly about the day ahead. All I could think about was the outcome and questions in between. Would he be there, would he have a gun and if he did would they check his bags before the worst happened? I couldn't think anymore, I buckled my mind shut and it seemed to echo as the seatbelt clicked. I looked into the back seat at my daughter's smiling face, aglow with hope! She couldn't know that I had scars on my heart, bleeding slowly with the blood of heartbreak. I would not tell her, no not today!
Saturday, February 17, 2018
Chapter 5 Wai‘ōpae Tidepools Underwater Footage!!
This beautiful spot, was one of the first places we visited upon arriving! This vast array of pools, intermixed amongst volcanic rock walls, expanded up to 200 feet offshore. Not only were there fishing opportunities at the further ends of the pools, but endless snorkling, swimming and exploration opportunities!
Keep in mind that when entering this area, parking is located only outside of the boundaries of the neighborhood there, called Kapoho Vacationland. Residents are very generous and allow visitors and locals to access through the main road, however, respect for their homes and privacy is of the utmost importance. Please "kokua" and follow all road signs, making sure to access only in designated areas. Furthermore,to protect the coral please refer to the signs on the kiosk, which explain how "oxybenzone," a common ingredient in most sunscreens will result in damage and killing off of coral reefs. Make sure to check ingredients on the back of your sunscreen before swimming. Activities such as swimming and snorkeling are permitted, while fishing, taking coral or other sea life and entering into undesignated areas are not allowed. And lastly, be safe, with precaution during strong currents and high tides, storms and wearing shoes to avoid slipping on the rocks.
From our first visit, we immediately fell in love with Kapoho and the luster has remained, as the kids have taken to snorkeling and learning the species of fish with a newfound enthusiasm. Thus, Kapoho Tidepools became one of our favorite places, as well as for visitors around the world to recreate and enjoy! The power of the ocean knows no boundaries and may heal in many different ways, connecting people with the land and to help them protect it, Malama Aiina.
For more information visit http://dlnr.hawaii.gov/dar/marine-managed-areas/hawaii-marine-life-conservation-districts/hawaii-waiopae-tidepools/
Chapter 4 "Across the Pacific" Hale Hulili
Our temporary home was a beautiful vacation rental, nestled on a backdrop of open landscape. Our first three months here were not only a unique experience in the outside world, but at our home as well. The hale had a large water catchment, which required me to learn the techniques of care and maintenance. Self sufficiency was a pleasurable skill as long as one knew what they were doing. Our days there, were spent exploring the open backyard space, trekking down the road to see horses and relaxing on the lanai.
There were always downsides to an area as much as one might love it overall. One of the biggest challenges that I faced, was the lack of preschools in our area or any preschools with openings for that matter! I started calling a few weeks after we moved, but quickly learned, if you were going to settle in Hawaii, school deadlines ended in April for the following school year! I was finally able to gain an interview at the Waldorf School in Hawaiian Paradise Park, however, cost of tuition far exceeded what we normally paid!
This was my most frustrating obstacle, having to run through a huge maze of applications, medical forms, refusals and finally acceptance after two whole months of searching! It would be best for anyone planning to move here to have a house and location pinpointed ahead of time, making it easier and quicker to gain entry, should they have children to enroll.There proved to be a definite shortage of schools for children at the preschool level.
Another challenge, was learning to adapt to the outdoor lifestyle. While I enjoyed the open lanais and the sound of the frogs at night, my body took a long time to adjust to the lack of air conditioning! As Hawaiis' energy was four times more expensive than the mainland, this was not an option for us. We proceeded to buy multipe fans to facilitate throughout the house and even at night, we required air flow on the lanai. After a few months our bodies would adapt to the humid, tropical heat and we would come to love the year round ability to swim, hike and camp in temperate conditions!
Another critical point in establishment, was the price of food, should one follow a healthy lifestyle. Fruits and vegetables were exceptionally pricey and if one chose to buy locally, they must be cautious in terms of Rat Lungworm Disease. Washing fruits and veggies thoroughly was a must, as the slugs which carried the disease,were known to cross over crops and spread through contact with the produce. We were concerned with that aspect having young children, and mainly purchased fruit and vegetables from the mainland. The comfort level varied from person to person, as with any choices made in life.
Chapter 3 "Across the Pacific" Animal Quarantine in Hawaii
If one owned a pet before moving to Hawaii, they were required to undergo a several month process, in order to be exempt from the 120 day quarantine period. Six months to be exact, was the recommended period of time to prepare the tests and quarantine ahead of time. Our process included the initial Favn Rabies blood test, microchip registration, a waiting period, then a final exam within two weeks of our departure. The entire process was explained online by the Hawaii Department of Agriculture, which I will include the link below. It is a lengthy process, takes precision and patience and effort on the part of the owners to do their research initially. Otherwise, glitches may occur at the airport, as I mentioned before. Bar King Dog Kennel, the only approved quarantine facility on the Big Island, was located close by in Keaau, Hi. The staff was refreshingly friendly and helpful, all female so as to bring forth a calming atmosphere, they are avid animal lovers and most importantly the facility was extremely clean, with a perfect indoor and outdoor feel for animals, toys and an individual playroom with large screened windows!
http://hdoa.hawaii.gov/ai/aqs/animal-quarantine-information-page/- research about six months ahead of your move date if possible.
http://www.barkingdogkennel.net/ - Call them as soon as you know your arrival date so that they can schedule pickup from the airport for your pet!
http://hdoa.hawaii.gov/ai/aqs/animal-quarantine-information-page/- research about six months ahead of your move date if possible.
http://www.barkingdogkennel.net/ - Call them as soon as you know your arrival date so that they can schedule pickup from the airport for your pet!
Monday, February 12, 2018
Sunday, February 11, 2018
Chapter 2 "Across the Pacific" The First Few Hours
We arrived in Hilo, Hawaii during daylight hours, feeling happy and giddy with anticipation! We could see the clear blue waters crashing against the jagged coastline, creating foaming white patterns all along the rocky shore. I felt shaky as the excitement coursed through me! We were almost at our new home on the Big Island of Hawaii and we were here to stay! I exchanged a huge smile with Tim as we flew towards the island, the lush trees growing larger by the minute. The day was effervescently clear and we could see the shoreline below. It looked wild and untamed. The waves crashed in foaming torrents towards the shore, then immediately retreated. White sand beaches were nowhere in site on this eastern side, but we loved the Hawaii wilderness! This was an island of adventure, with a shoreline resembling that of the coast of Maine, except warmer. The island drew thrill seekers, adventurers, wanderers and those who sought a quieter life. This place was not meant for the weak, as the quote says "only the strong survive." To thrive here, one would need to become fully in tune with the culture, nature and the people who were native to this beautiful place.
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